“Don’t identify too strongly with what you now know; that “truth” is impermanent. Identify with the possibility that at every moment you can emerge from your blind self to see in the dark.”
_Carl A. Hammerschlag, MD
It’s that time of the year to consider those spring cleaning projects. Clean out your closet? Maybe it’s the garage or attic that needs to be cleaned? Or perhaps it’s just all those dresser or kitchen drawers that seem to have accumulated mounds of clutter. Where does all that STUFF in my night table come from anyway? 
When I consider all the possibilities, it might seem like an Adder’s biggest nightmare. But in truth, it really doesn’t have to be. There are several ways that one can go about successfully tackling spring cleaning projects, despite having ADD. This article explores some of those ways to be consistently more productive and to get those spring projects done.
Get Motivated. Without motivation, many projects or tasks may seem difficult to even start, no less finish. Consider all the reasons why this particular spring cleaning project is important. Do you need to make more room for something you cherish in your garage or closet for example? Or maybe the idea of having more order to your life reminds you that you can save a lot of time looking for items that are buried under mounds of clutter. Get clear about the value of completing these projects and how it will positively affect your life. And keep those reasons in your mind. You might even consider making a list of all the benefits and posting it somewhere near the project location so that you will be reminded of the benefits.
Know your engagement threshold and use it to your advantage! What does this mean exactly? Your engagement threshold is the longest amount of time you can consistently work, while staying focused on a particular project without being distracted or losing interest. In addition, you will need to be able to evaluate how long you will actually need to accomplish the project being considered. Since individuals with ADD often have difficulty estimating how long a project will take, try adding a cushion of about 50% more time than you think just in case, to cover yourself. If the task takes less time, than you may be delighted to find you have a bit of unexpected extra time for yourself at the end of the project.
Make an action plan. How specifically will you accomplish this goal? What are your specific action steps? For example, if cleaning out your closet, it might look like this;
Schedule the time to do it. Here’s an important piece of information for you to think about. I know that many individuals with ADD think that the only way to get something done is to break it down into small action steps. Maybe I will do 30 minutes here and another 30 minutes there. This is true for some smaller projects but here’s the thing you need to consider. Every time you transition in and out of a particular activity, you lose A LOT of time, which means you lose a lot of productivity. For this reason, it is important to know the limits of your upper most threshold and set aside the time that most reflects that threshold. If you only have 30 minutes here- and- there, you will never start those larger projects that require sustained attention and effort over a longer period of time, because you already know that you will never get enough done to make any difference. So why even bother to start? In addition, if you only have 30 minutes here and there, you will most likely end up checking e mails, going on Facebook and surfing the web, since not much else can be done in such short amount of time. Those are actually appropriate actions to take in a 30 minute window, but they will never provide you with what you need to get those larger projects done.
So, that having been said, knowing your engagement threshold, make sure to set aside the appropriate amount of time to get a good chunk of the project completed. Consider those times that you have the most energy and ability to focus. If you know that your Adderall wears off at 6:00 PM, don’t start that project at 5:00 PM just because that’s the time you get home from work. If you are a morning person, don’t start that project in the afternoon.
Work with your schedule and block it off your calendar. If you don’t make an appointment with yourself, you may possibly procrastinate and put off starting the project all together. Sound familiar?
Don’t Be a Perfectionist. Many people with ADD get caught in doing such a perfect job that they lose sight of the big picture. So make a point of not getting stuck in the tiny minutia. Do as much as you can as quickly as possible until the job is complete. You can always go back AFTER it is finished to make it EVEN better, if you so desire. It’s more important to complete the project in a timely fashion. So work quickly and continue working till completion.
Work with a Body Double or Professional Organizer. For many people with ADD, having someone there to work with them, while keeping them on track can be extremely helpful. Find a friend or family member who would be willing to assist. Or, if you desire (or can) hire a professional organizer to work with you on the project.
Avoid Distractions. Turn off the phone, television, or any other distraction that could interfere with your completing your project. Once you get started, have a “ DO NOT DISTURB” sign placed outside the door of where you are, and unless there’s an emergency, tell your family, not to disturb you for your allotted amount of time. Take this commitment seriously and other’s will too.
Make It Fun and Interesting Have fun music playing or have your friends come over and help. Discover ways to make it interesting by using timers, or creating some kind of challenge that keeps it interesting. Provide yourself with a special reward when you have completed the project. Bet your partner or a friend that you will complete the project by a certain time or else………. (You get the idea)
And one last thing, after you read this article, don’t just put it down and consider the ideas. Take the time to actually write down and plan your spring cleaning project, as you follow each step above. Imagine that it is already completed and see it in your mind’s eye. Envision yourself having completed the task and imagine and enjoy the feelings of having accomplished your goal. Then, take action and do exactly as you have planned and envisioned. As the great Tony Robbins once said, “In life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action”.
Leslie is an ADD coach and therapist in South Florida. To read more of her articles or to sign up for her free Newsletter, you may go to www.ADDadults.net.
It seems the more I listen to people in and out of my therapy practice, the more I realize that, for many of us, achieving a healthy love relationship is often fraught with much difficulty. Obviously, there are multitudes of reasons why people may have difficulty forming healthy long term relationships, and I should certainly know, having had my share of “roller-coaster rides”, but having ADHD often adds to the difficulty in very distinct ways. This article explores some of those difficulties as they apply to romance, love and ADHD.
Recently I had a conversation with a client who has a long history of unsuccessful romantic relationships. She’s a beautiful young woman who has had a variety of passionate relationships which, for some reason never “work out”. Over our past few sessions we have explored this pattern, only to discover that the men she most cared for were exciting, handsome, and dreamy, but somehow not very supportive or emotionally available. On the other hand, she had a variety of long term relationships with men who she referred to as her closest friends. She told me that these men have been there for her for many years and were all extremely supportive and solid in her life. In fact, her best friend, is a man she has known for the past 10 years. This man has provided her with a rich friendship that includes trust, shared values, affection, loyalty and great fun. When I asked her why she had never dated him, she said that he was not her type. “So, what exactly is your type?” I asked. 
It seems to me that many of us share this same dilemma. Very often, the people we most attract and are attracted to are the ones that provide us the most drama. There’s always that elusive quality or edge that makes the relationship fraught with intrigue. Often there is a lot of arguing, tension, excitement, longing, passion, and pain, but not a lot of trust, respect, safety, and loyalty.
Certainly one does not have to have ADHD to fall into this same pattern, but here’s the part that seems to fit with the ADHD mind set. People with ADHD thrive on stimulation and get bored easily. If someone is rock-solid, trust worthy, safe, affectionate and loyal, without all the drama, this can feel boring to the ADHD mind, which is constantly seeking stimulation and excitement. Being in a committed relationship in which we are sure of our partner’s loyalty and affection can feel boring to someone with ADHD, especially if we are not tuned in to the principles that constitute true love. That’s because true love is not a feeling, so much as it is a decision. Love is what we choose to commit ourselves to. It is an action, a verb, not a noun. Feelings come and go all the time, but true love is about loyalty and commitment. Not all that heady or stimulating, a lot of the time.
In addition to our need for stimulation, it seems that our culture is one in which the virtues of friendship, affection and loyalty are not held up to the same standards as passion, romance and excitement. But in addition to our society’s seeming bias toward passionate romance, if one has ADHD, the inclination of falling into a pattern of seeking titillation at the expense of commitment, can certainly prevent one from ever finding true love. For romance, with all its stimulation has a completely different energy and set of values than love. One can certainly have occasional romance and passion within a loving relationship, however that is not its foundation, nor does one expect or demand that the passion be sustained on a continuous basis, since the ingredients of love are far less “spicy”. And spicy is what our culture sells us.
The next question that my client asks is,”how do I take the chance of risking my friendship with my best friend, while seeking love?” 
“I guess that really does take courage, now doesn’t it? ” To stretch beyond our comfort zone and consciously choose love over drama, knowing that we may find it dull or boring (at times) is certainly something to consider. How do we transcend those periods of boredom to allow us to embrace a sense of peace, comfort, security, fulfillment and (alas) true love? And what if we open that door to love, only to find that we cannot fully step through it? How do we continue, if we can no longer continue? And have we lost our best friend in the process?
The great Tony Robbins once said, “If you do what you have always done, you will get what you’ve always gotten.” So, here’s my answer. If something in our lives is a pattern that is not working for us, then perhaps we need to try doing it a different way. It takes a lot of courage to open a different door than we normally would. But it’s only through taking risks in our life, that we are provided opportunities to evolve and grow. Love is more than feelings, emotions, and physical attachments. It is also about conscious choices, spiritual growth, and evolution.
Love is everywhere around us, and yet, for many of us, so difficult to access in any meaningful way. It is for each of us to decide when and if, the risk is worth taking for the sake of love. To my client, who struggles with this dilemma, all bets are on her.
I believe she will find her way through that door and if and when she does, I hope to celebrate her victory along side her.
Leslie is a holistic therapist working in South Florida. If you would like more information about her work or more help with ADHD, sign up for her free newsletter at www.ADDadults.net.
This month I had the pleasure of interviewing Bryan Hutchinson, who is an inspirational writer and author of several books about life with ADHD, including the bestselling and well regarded memoir “One Boy’s Struggle“. He’s also the author of the blog ADDer World and the founder of the ADDer World ADHD social network. Lately, Bryan has taken his positive thinking concepts a step further and started a new blog, Positive Writer, for all types of creative people.
As many of you may know, my passion is understanding the process by which people change, shift and evolve. As often said in the world of Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP, “What’s the difference that makes the difference?” To this effort, I dedicate the following interview.
Q: Can you identify one person, place or event that most influenced you in making a major change or shift forward in your life? If so, what or who would that have been, and why?
“I can thank billiards for the positive shift in my life. I wanted to get better, but I was constantly getting in my own way. I was often too distracted to stay focused during longer matches and my mind would wonder while my opponents were at the table, which also took away valuable concentration. Put simply, I could not maintain my focus.
Billiards made me “want” to get better, to find answers and improve. As they say, when you play a game such as billiards, it often mimics real life. I share the story in my book “One Boy’s Struggle”, but here’s the short version:
I came to a point in my billiard career that I wanted to stop and give up (as I had done with so many other things). I was not improving, and actually, I was getting worse. Thankfully, there was someone who cared about me, who took me under his wing and became my mentor.
He started off by giving me a very important book which I still have to this day. It is titled “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale. The book was life changing for me, but it was also a not so indirect message. I was too angry, too resentful and too negative overall and unfortunately this is all too common with people who have ADHD. Negativity blinds us from our own potential within and worse it repels anyone who would otherwise help us or just be our friends.
My mentor needed me to open up and discover something about myself that I could change, something that was within my control. We all have choices to make, whether we have ADHD or not and I was given a choice: Change my perspective or stay the same, or worse, continue to regress. Most people balk at this choice or continue to blame their ADHD for their attitude and I was fortunate not to know I had ADHD yet and didn’t have anything to blame, but myself. The book helped me stop blaming myself and start seeing life as something positive and meaningful, and likewise I started treating myself and others in that manner. It wasn’t an overnight process, but each day I saw small positive steps and that kept me moving forward and brought me to where I am today.”
Q: Can you tell me how you made that shift? What were the actions that you performed that allowed that to happen for you. What was different about them?
“It was a difficult process at first, because ADHD is a neurobiological disorder as you well know and changing one’s attitude as an adult was only the first step. Improving my attitude opened me up to possibilities. Previously my negative attitude had blinded me. I used to mock people who thought positively, because I thought it was foolish and delusional. I wasn’t brave enough to tell them to their faces, I was a shy person after all the punishment I had been through, but I thought the thoughts that held me back, perhaps more than ADHD ever has.
It makes me very sad when I see people in this condition and having been there I know that they may never find their way out if they keep looking in the wrong place and that’s one major reason I published my memoir and started ADDer World. Oddly enough, the people who are caught in the world I lived in now mock me and call me delusional, but it’s okay because I’ve been there and done that. It is the surest sign that ADHD isn’t their main problem and if they so choose, they can improve, too.”
Q: If there was any one piece of advice that you could have given to that “younger you” growing up, what do you think that would have been?
“Well, without diagnosis any piece of advice I would give my younger me, such as in grade school where all my real problems began, would not be that helpful. When I was playing billiards and shifted my attitude I was already an adult.
What I would rather do here is let parents know that ADHD is not something to blame and a child is in no control or fault for having ADHD and you are not a bad parent. What the child really needs is professional help and support. ADHD is not only damaging academically, if undiagnosed, it is also detrimental to one’s self-esteem. Later in life ADHD may be accepted by many, especially today, but a negative attitude is not and never will be. Support your child, get the help he or she needs. Diagnosis isn’t a bad thing, it’s the best thing that can happen for a child who has ADHD, because that opens doors to understanding and treatment that can help. Inspire and encourage your children and that will motivate them. Punish and chastise your children and that will demotivate them and that goes for any child with or without ADHD.”
Q: As an adult, what skills have you learned that you rely on most when you feel “stuck” to move you forward now?
“ADHD is never easy, no matter how good at maintaining I get, it is always work. However, what helps me the most is that I do my best to try and find something interesting in everything I do. The ADHD mind works best when it has incentive and knows there will be a reward for any effort and that’s why I make it a personal choice to find something interesting in everything I do. It is possible to trick the mind into being excited about something, even if you normally are not. That’s what I have found to help me the most. I do not take medication for my ADHD, but that’s not because I don’t believe in it. I do not take medication because I cannot tolerate it, or I would have. In one way that’s okay because it has made me develop the mindset that everything I do is worthwhile.”
Bryan, thanks for your time and great insights!
Leslie is an ADHD Coach and holistic therapist working in South Florida. If you want more help with ADHD, sign up for my free newsletter on my website and get your free tips to Overcoming Procrastination and Achieving Your Goals at: www.addadults.net
As we leave 2012 behind, and begin 2013, it helps to set our intentions for the upcoming year, while taking the time to reflect on where we have been. The following 4 steps provide us with a guide to developing a mental blueprint for achieving these intentions and thriving in 2013. 
Take the time to reflect and write your answers to the following questions on a piece of paper, in a journal, or a notebook, where it won’t get lost. You can do this exercise alone or with a partner. Try not to over- think the questions. Just allow your mind to come up with the answers within a couple of minutes. If, for some reason, your mind goes blank, allow the questions to settle in your psyche over the next couple of days and see if you don’t come up with the answers easily and effortlessly, perhaps when you least expect it.
Make sure to note those steps and write them down to be used as a blueprint for 2013.
If you are working with a partner, read them out loud to each other. In reflecting on your answers, keep them somewhere that you can easily read to remind you and keep you on track over the next 12 months. Perhaps some creative alterations or ideas will guide you while in this process as you hold on to the outcome in your mind. Allow your psyche to guide you through this next year, as well, having given it the picture of what it is to look like. Now find the balance between remembering the outcome, the steps that you took along the way, the good emotions that the picture brings up for you, and the ability to keep relaxed focus, while allowing it to unfold and manifest in your life for your and the world’s highest good.
Wishing you all a wonderful 2013!
Leslie is an ADHD Coach and holistic therapist working in South Florida. If you want more help with ADHD, sign up for my free newsletter on my website and get your free tips to Overcoming Procrastination and Achieving Your Goals at: www.addadults.net.
In my practice I see many couples with concerns around keeping the romance alive in their marriage. If I were to determine the the single most detrimental thing one can do in damaging one’s relationship, it would be to not pay attention to one’s spouse. I know that sounds too simple for many, but for those individuals with ADHD, the ability to maintain sustained attention on any person, place or thing can be extremely difficult. And yet, without this ability, there can be no true romance. It’s that simple. So, knowing this fact, how does one go about making sure that this difficulty does not become that fatal mistake that dooms your marriage.
Untreated ADHD is deadly to many relationships simply because the brain of someone with ADHD is wired in such a way that makes attention regulation extremely difficult. Although medication is the most efficient way to jump start treatment, it is only one of many treatment modalities that is helpful in sustaining and building a relationship of mutual trust, friendship and intimacy. When working with couples, the biggest complaint I often hear from the non-ADHD spouse is that they feel abandoned in the relationship. Their spouse is not attentive to them and their constant distractibility creates the feeling of being unloved. And since paying attention is the single most difficult thing for an ADHD adult to do, just making the effort to accomplish this behavior, means everything to the non-ADHD spouse. In fact, most non ADHD partners have told me that just seeing their partner trying, makes them feel loved and cherished, and feeling cherished, is the vital ingredient in developing and maintaining intimacy and romance.
So, in thinking of ways to enhance one’s ability to focus on one’s spouse, I came up with a list of suggestions. While some of these might work well for you, do experiment and discover what works best for you and your partner.
and respond back to them so they know you have really heard what they have said to you. This last one seems so easy, and yet…. it is the one thing that is often missing in many couple’s communication. Since you may need a reminder to do some of those things you have in mind, consider ways to help with this by perhaps setting a daily alarm on your phone or write yourself little sticky notes that you place on your desk at work or around your home. Find ways that work with your life style and comfort level using technology. Seek professional coaching or work with a counselor who is well versed in the problems that are associate with having ADHD, if needed.
Don’t forget that in the end, the greatest gift is your undivided attention and willingness to be completely present to them. So, consider ways to remind yourself when its time to call or do something important for them. It’s ok if you need to set a daily alarm on your phone to remind you or to write yourself little sticky notes that you place on your desk at work. Don’t allow your pride or shame to get in the way of your seeking professional help with ADHD therapist, if needed. Do whatever it takes to pay attention to your partner, and I can bet your romance will be greatly enhanced as your marriage continues to grow stronger.
Leslie is a holistic therapist working in South Florida. If you would like more information about her work or more help with ADHD, sign up for her free newsletter at www.ADDadults.net.
Last month, I shared my frustration with my ongoing procrastination in getting started on my monthly newsletter. As a result, I said that I would work on the next newsletter for 30 minutes each day and promised to report back to you on how I did. In keeping my promise, I wrote the following article;
Being held accountable REALLY DOES work. I definitely made more of an effort to spend time on the planning and preparation of this month’s Newsletter, due to my need to keep my promise of reporting back to you. However, I did not spend 30 minutes each day, as originally planned and I made a point of noticing why and how that happened. Here’s what I discovered. I noticed that once I got started it was not a good idea to stop after only 30 minutes due to my ongoing difficulty transitioning both in and out, while requiring sustained mental effort, planning and forethought. As many of us know, not exactly an “ADD- user- friendly- activity. ” However, what I did realize was that there were several tasks that I could easily transition in and out of in 30 minutes on a daily basis that were more appropriate for scheduling in this way. These tasks were far more automatic and required a lot less organization and thought, such as sorting through the mail on automatic pilot.
So, in conclusion, here’s what I learned about procrastination and how this might be helpful to some of you; Continue reading “What I Learned About Procrastination” »
By Jacquelyn Small,
Founding Director of Eupsychia Institute
Breathwork is an ancient spiritual practice in both Eastern and Western traditions, widely known for its healing and transformative abilities.
This process of deep inner work raises our consciousness beyond society’s mass consciousness, or any programming we may have received. It is an evocative experiential method that reveals to us our own rich subjective life where our honest truth resides. We can become more conscious of what ails us, and gain access to the beauty and wisdom of our core Self. We’ve found that this process will take you into whatever dimension of consciousness you need to visit in order to broaden or heal. This process can enhance any method of therapy people are utilizing and offers an experiential sense of anyone’s form of religion.
This journey inward can heal our self-defeating lifestyles by helping us make them conscious and releasing any pent-up energy collected around our unhealed issues. It has the power to heal our personal past, including early childhood trauma inflicted on us before we had language to process it. This is because this method accesses and releases “cellular memory” where any suffering that still exists in body/mind may still reside.
Breathwork can also carry us into the expansive collective mind of humanity where universal spiritual awareness can be made known, bringing us a sense of our larger story as a human soul traveling through space-time. 
When we can experience that we are “bigger than we look like,” and realize we are here for a divine purpose, a spontaneous healing can occur. This is the beginning of a stronger spiritual life.
Through the use of music, deep breathing, and symbolic artwork, the deeper strata of the unconscious mind can open and pour out its creative gifts. The two-hour musical journey (a carefully designed variety of evocative instrumental music and chanting) serves as a projection screen. It provides a way for participants to free associate so that they can recall whatever it is they need to make conscious and clear. The merging of psychological health and our inner spirituality is the key to living beyond soul loss, emotional pain and addiction.
Eupsychia’s philosophy is that healing ourselves and helping others is all one process. Direct contact with the God-within, acceptance and forgiveness, self-empowerment, and finding one’s soul purpose and true life’s work are the focus of this work.
You will feel so good in this caring community that is created by sharing in this powerful inner healing and awakening. You’ll be in a group of soul brothers and sisters you will feel you’ve always known. Our world is starved for this kind of meaningful relating today. So join us if you can!
Ever forget where you park your vehicle? Well, there’s a great APP called “Take Me To My Car”, which is available for your iPhone that will solve this problem. This APP was developed by a graduate student at Stanford University, who frequently forgot where he parked his car. It is super easy to use and allows you to save your current parking position with 2 taps and to find your car with only one. If remembering where you parked your car is a problem, try downloading “Take Me to My Car”. I’m sure you will love it!
Looking for a Fun, Fast, User Friendly to-do List?
Check out the app for iPhone named CLEAR ! This is bar none the easiest, most efficient to-do list app I ever seen. It uses an “all -gesture” interface that allows you to swipe, pinch and pull down on-screen elements, without the use of any cumbersome buttons. Continue reading “October Tip of the Month” »
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