Consider setting up an area near your front door that is exclusively designed to launch you into your day. Try using a basket, shelf and/ or hooks to place your keys, cell phone, wallet, sunglasses, umbrella, brief case, etc. near your front door so that you will have whatever you need before leaving home. Continue reading “May Tip of the Month” »
By Leslie Rouder, LCSW
This was a difficult blog post for me to write because it caused me to remember some of those embarrassing moments in which I have 
put my own foot into my mouth and felt like the woman in this photo. Whether or not you have ADHD, I am sure we can all look back over a time when we wished we had not blurted something out while at a meeting or social engagement. But for individuals with ADHD, this problem can create a lot of anxiety and stress around business and social functions. In addition, the inability to read social cues can sometimes prevent these individuals from receiving promotions at work and social stability in all areas of their lives. The following article addresses this concern and the challenges that go along with it.
Many people with ADHD can relate to a long history of being challenged by the uncontrollable urge to (inappropriately) blurt things out or over explain themselves. If you are one of these individuals, wondering how you too can learn to take your foot out of your mouth, and develop appropriate social skills, consider the following 3 main reasons why individuals with ADHD often struggle with this problem; Continue reading “ADHD and How I Learned To Take my Foot Out Of My Mouth” »
Last month’s newsletter included part one of an article entitled “ADHD Goes to College – Part 1“.
But what happens to those students who are unaware of their diagnosis? Freshman are the most at risk because while attending high school and living at home with their parents, they may have had a lot more structure and support from both teachers and parents. If this is their first time living away from home, they will need to self-regulate and structure their time in ways that are far more difficult for them than for other students. According to Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, “The reality is that young adults with ADHD tend to function at a younger emotional age than their peers.” Their parents have likely spent years monitoring their child’s academic and social activities and although being away at school may be exciting for these students, being on their own, can also be overwhelming.
The areas of concern to most be aware would be in comorbid disorders that are present in approximately 25 to 50% of people with ADHD. (Fischer et al., 2007; Sarkis et al. 2005) These would include depression, anxiety, eating disorders, sleep problems, and drug alcohol abuse. Sometimes symptoms are missed because of the ADHD and it has been determined that only 36% of students with ADHD who meet the criteria for depression actually sought medication or counseling while on campus. Continue reading “ADHD Goes to College (Part 2)” »
By Leslie Rouder, LCSW
The challenges facing a person who is married to someone with untreated ADD can certainly be difficult to navigate, especially because these challenges may be completely hidden to the rest of the world. No one seems to understand what you struggle with. She or he is such a “great guy” and may appear totally “together” to everyone else. So what’s wrong with you? Maybe you are even beginning to doubt yourself. This article attempts to address some of the predictable patterns that one may experience being married to someone with ADD and why it creates such difficulty.
Being married to someone with untreated ADD is often fraught with a predictable progressive pattern that goes from happy, to confused, to angry, and finally to hopeless. (Orlov, 2010) How does this happen and why is this so predictable in couples whose spouses have untreated ADD?
In an attempt to answer that question let’s look at some of the patterns that typically come up in these kinds of relationships;
Continue reading “ADD in Marriage: How to Be Happily Married to Your ADD Spouse” »
I have had the pleasure of knowing Melissa Orlov over the past few years and when asked recently to write a “six word biography,” She wrote “Failed marriage resuscitated. Now helping others.” Melissa has blended her personal experience of coming back from the brink of divorce with an ADHD spouse with knowledge about ADHD in adults, becoming one of the top experts in how ADHD impacts relationships. She runs an active online community on the topic, consults with couples struggling to change their marriage dynamics, teaches seminars to couples as well as professional therapists and counselors on the topic, and has written an award-winning book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage. You can find more information at www.adhdmarriage.com.
As mentioned in my last Newsletter, I have been taking a 7 week class with Melissa entitled The ADHD Effect on Couples this past month and thought it would be great if she would be willing to do a guest interview for my blog on the subject . She graciously accepted and the following is the result; Continue reading “The ADHD Effects on Marriage with Melissa Orlov | Guest Blog” »
Why Freshman with ADHD are Most at Risk – Part 1
By Leslie Rouder, LCSW
It has been reported in a recent study that one in 20 college freshman were diagnosed with ADHD in 2010. If you are faculty member, this means that the likelihood that at least one student with ADHD will be enrolled in each one of your classes every semester. In addition, and more perplexing, is that there is a good possibility that you may have one or several students attending your classes with undiagnosed ADHD.
So, what does this mean? How best can the faculty accommodate this particular disability and how might one identify, or perhaps approach a student who has not disclosed that he or she, in fact, has any disability? And if we are accommodating these students, why are they most at risk?
When a student provides faculty with an accommodation memo, it is clear what the academic accommodations for that student will be, however the exact nature of the diagnosis is not provided. It is up to the student and faculty to discuss the accommodations as well as one’s learning style and needs. Although this conversation is often encouraged by the Disability Services Office at most universities, it is not required. Therefore, this conversation may never happen and what may seem like a “hidden disability” to many, might actually be an obstacle in excelling academically, socially, and psychologically for these students.
How might a student with ADHD present in the classroom setting and why are freshman students with this diagnosis at greatest risk for failure? We first would have to look at the possible ways in which ADHD effects one’s functioning both in and out of the classroom setting.
In reading the latest information on adult ADHD symptoms developed by Russell Barkley, along with Kevin Murphy and Mariellen Fischer, they came up with 91 updated symptoms that would be predictive of an individual having ADHD. Out of their list of 91, I compiled the following list of symptoms that would be most detrimental in an academic environment. Individuals with ADHD may present with several or any combination of the following symptoms;
Is easily distracted by irrelevant thoughts when he or she needs to concentrate on something.One can easily see, given the above list, how this might negatively impact a student’s ability to thrive in an academic environment. In the best case scenario, a student who is aware of his or her diagnosis and is being treated with medication, while seeking academic accommodations and coaching will have the best chance at being successful. Medication alone, however, although helpful, does not completely mitigate the negative symptoms. In fact a recent URI and Lehigh University Research study of college students with ADHD, determined that although medication (in this case Vyvance, a widely used psycho-stimulant) was helpful in improving symptoms and executive functioning, the improvements did not reach the levels of their peers. “This tells us that stimulant medication is an effective treatment that needs to be supplemented by other treatment, including educational support and accommodations,” according to Dr. DePaul, who was involved with this study. Continue reading “ADHD Goes to College (Part 1 and 2)” »
For those of you who may have recently read the New York Times article by Dr. Alan Sroufe, in which Ridlin and other psycho-stimulants used to treat ADHD were attacked, I was relieved to read the following rebuttal by Dr. Ned Hallowell. For those who may have missed the article, you may read it by clicking here.
As I am sure many of you know, Dr. Hallowell is considered to be the foremost expert in the field of ADHD, having worked as a psychiatrist for the past 30 years treating patients with ADHD, having it himself and having written several books on the subject. The following is Dr. Hallowell’s response to Dr. Sroufe’s article; Continue reading “Ridlin Gone Wrong Article, May be Wrong” »
By Leslie Rouder, LCSW
This past month, I have been enrolled in a 7 week therapist’s course given by Melissa Orlov on the ADHD effects on marriage. Melissa, who is an expert on this subject, and who has written the book (by the same name) The ADHD Effects on Marriage, offers its’ readers one of the most comprehensive and clearly written books that I have read on this subject. Melissa provides six steps on how to rebuild your relationship and learn how to enjoy the person you fell in love with. This book is a must read for any couple struggling with the effects of untreated ADHD in their relationship. Continue reading “The 8 Biggest Relationship Problems That Lead to Feeling Unloved” »
By Leslie Rouder, LCSW
Many people are attracted to individuals with ADD for their zany sense of humor, imagination, creativity, charm and “out of the box” thinking. But for many couples those attractive qualities can sometimes fade in the light of untreated ADD. I receive hundreds of calls and e mails from frustrated partners of individuals with ADD (POADD’s) asking if I could please work with their partner in assisting with the various aspects of ADD that are affecting the quality of their lives and relationships. Sadly, untreated ADD is a large factor in many divorces and break ups between couples. The following is a list of some of the most common problems affecting these couples:
Rage and/or uncontrollable anger: Many individuals with ADD have difficulty controlling their anger and (what’s more) can provoke their partner’s anger as well. The POADD’s are often overwhelmed and exhausted with all the fighting and feel badly that they are unable to control their temper.
Financial Problems: People with ADD often having problems with impulsive spending, problems keeping a job, and/or underemployment. There is often a lot of debt and hoarding of items purchased on a whim that may be stashed away in closets, drawers, under the bed or in disarray around the home. Online spending is also often a big problem as well.
Career Stagnation: Due to their partner’s inability to hold a job, the POADD’s often do not feel that they can take risks in their professional lives due to the sense that theirs’ is the only stable source of income. In addition, they often underperform at work due to (what feels like) ongoing “crises” and stress caused by their home life.
Sexual Problems: Very often I will hear complaints that the ADD partner will either lose interest in sex or will expect to have sex all the time. Sometimes this occurs because Adder’s get bored easily or (paradoxically) sex may be used as a stimulant. I often hear that the POADD’s loss of interest in sex with their partner is due to the feeling of having sex with their child (since they often take on the role of parent) and the partner with ADD often loses interest in sex because he or she may feel like they are having sex with their parent. (Due to their partner having taken on the parental role in the relationship very often)
Traffic Violations: People with ADD frequently have car accidents that cause worry about the Adder’s safety and/ or the safety of the passengers, who are very often their children. They often have very high insurance rates and costly traffic violations, which put further financial strain on the couple.
Lack of Support and Self Esteem: POADD’s often tell me that they feel that the bulk of most decisions rest on their shoulders. If they have children, they feel that they are the one single parent raising their children alone. They do not feel supported by their partner. Even if they were thinking of getting a divorce, they are too frightened for their children’s well being to ever leave, so they often feel locked in a hopeless partnership staying for the sake of providing stability for their children.
Health Problems: POADD’s often develop illnesses that are caused by the effects of living in a stressful environment. Sometimes these illnesses are chronic, such as chronic fatigue and sometimes they are manifested as frequent bouts with common viruses, such as colds. This further impairs their ability to function effectively in the world and can create further isolation.
Problems Getting Help: Very often couples do not know where to turn for help. They may speak to a family doctor, pastor or clinician that is not well versed in the area of ADD and miss the diagnosis, causing more damage to the relationship. It is not until the diagnosis is clearly understood and applied to the individual’s lives in a way that is integrated through that understanding that it is possible for healing to occur.
There is hope for those who seek out effective support systems. Couples can learn to communicate and find ways to bridge these gaps. They can learn about effective ways to set boundaries, share responsibilities, develop talents and goals, strive for healthy intimacy and gain self esteem and confidence. I encourage anyone who feels stuck to actively look for clinicians that specialize in working with individuals with ADD and their families. Find support groups in your area that work with adults with ADD and or their partners. If you need help finding support groups in your area you can contact your local CHADD chapter (www.CHADD.org) and ask for assistance. Never give up until you have all the answer. Positive change does happen with the proper information and support.
As February is quickly approaching, I am beginning to get really excited about our upcoming weekend breath workshop, with Jacquelyn Small of the Eupsychia Institute. Jacquelyn is a wonderful teacher (and has been my mentor for many years) as well as the author of many books on psycho-spiritual integration. This is a great opportunity for those of you who want to access alternative ways of accessing the psyche, while deepening your inner work. The workshop will take place at the Bridge Hotel in Boca Raton on the week end of the 24th -26th. For many of you who are familiar with the integrative Breathwork process, which was developed by Jacquelyn, I know you are already looking forward to joining us. For those of you who are not familiar with Breathwork, I asked Jacquelyn if she would write about the Breathwork process, and in response, wrote the following article;
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By Jacquelyn Small
Today, many people are seeking more fulfillment in life. Today’s chaotic technological world is often too much for human psyches to contend with, without possessing more inner strength. Many therefore are yearning to find inner peace, more healing of one’s past, and are seeking more spiritual meaning and connection so they can align with their true purpose in life.
Turning inward to become conscious of what ails us, and further, to access the beauty of our inner core Self, is the healer of all human dysfunction and self-defeating lifestyles. This means we need methods that can take us inward to learn about our rich subjective life. The crying need is to gain a more universal understanding of reality and of human nature, which automatically grounds us in our truth and natural confidence. If you recall, this was the quest of the Holy Grail.
Years ago, I discovered a method which is a powerful psychic opener that broadens our view of who we are and why we are here. I’ve named it Integrative Breathwork. It’s an adaptation of Holotropic Breathwork I co-taught with Stanislav Grof, M.D. for six years during the late ’80′s and early ’90′s. Through the use of evocative music, deep breathing, meditative contemplation, and symbolic artwork, the deeper strata of the unconscious mind opens and pours out its gifts. It is in this rich subjective life that all new creations first begin to stir, and to which we must continually return to be made afresh for every age.
Breathwork is an ancient spiritual practice in both the Eastern and Western spiritual traditions. It has the power to heal our personal past and to carry us into the expansive collective mind of humanity where all the great minds, universal spiritual teachings, our ancestral heritage, and our future unformed blueprints can be accessed. The fact that people have high moments of great revelation, inspiration, and ecstatic “peak experiences” during this process is proof that wisdom lives within us all.
The two-hour musical journey is a carefully designed variety of evocative music with no words that serves as a projection screen – a way to free associate so participants can feel and recall whatever it is they need to make conscious and clear. In an Integrative Breathwork session everyone has a different experience. For example, one person might go back in time and recall a serious automobile accident and release the pent-up terror they’ve been holding, while another might travel out-of-body to a sacred temple and relive a powerful spiritual initiation. This method transcends time and space, producing a mild, non-ordinary state of consciousness so we can experience these higher worlds directly.
Practiced within a safe therapeutic setting and with proper guidance, Integerative Breathwork accesses the brain where memory and emotion converge. I know of no other therapeutic method more effective for experiencing the full gambit of our sacred human experience.
What people don’t realize is that we haven’t just repressed our old family issues and neuroses; we have repressed the remembrance that we’re divine as well, and that we have the power to be co-creators in the world.
We hope that you will join us for this very unusual and meaningful weekend with members of your soul family. The time is right to do this enlightening inner work.
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